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Remembering Our Loved Ones at the Holidays

Posted by Elizabeth Richmond

Remembering Our Loved Ones at the Holidays

While the death of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult times, the holidays can compound our sense of loss and isolation. When we're experiencing the pain of grief, the last thing we want to do is participate in any kind of holiday celebration. We want the pain to end, and we can’t imagine being around others at a time that is supposed to be full of joy when we are so burdened with sorrow.

This is a normal way to feel, but since we can’t cut out the calendar from late October through early Januaryof the next year, it might be helpful to modify our plans, and most especially to take good care of ourselves.

Consider the following suggestions:

When you family gathers for holiday meals, express remembrances of the loved one. Some people opt to eat out; others will prepare all of their loved ones favorites to honor their memory. Some people will volunteer to serve at a local soup kitchen or invite people they know who will be alone to share a meal. Other people will participate in other local charity activities, providing for those who would otherwise be without.

Accept the likelihood of your pain. Feel what you feel. Express your emotions to someone who will accept what you are thinking and feeling. A trusted friend, clergy or a professional counselor may be what you need. Jot those feelings down, and don’t judge them — writing simply gets them up and out.

Plan to remember your loved one in a way that has meaning, perhaps lighting a special candle, creating an ornament, giving a donation to a favorite charity in their memory and honor. Give yourself permission to remember and to think and feel, facing our loss is far less painful than trying to avoid it.

Be gentle with yourself. Get plenty of rest, stay well hydrated, and eat as healthy as you can, but do enjoy holiday foods! They are often another way of connecting to our loved one. Be around others who knew and loved your special person and reminisce. Let yourself laugh... it is one of the most overlooked aspects of grief. As we share stories, they almost always end up with laughter mixed in with the tears.

Stay in the present moment as much as possible, and remember to count your blessings. In spite of your sadness, acknowledge that the loved one you are grieving has left an indelible impression upon you, and know that in time your grief will soften.

 

Learn about JourneyCare's free grief support programs on our website.

Comments (4)

  • Helen

    23 December 2016 at 22:09 | #

    Liz: Just a short visit from me to you. You saw me "raw" and between the group that I was in and the private sessions we had, you showed me how to live once again. Showing is one thing, being able to actually "live" the ways,is quite another. I'm trying. Thanks for all you did and here's my wishes for a Healthy, Happy, holiday season and a fabulous 2017.

    reply

  • patricia tucker

    04 November 2017 at 20:39 | #

    Hi
    my name is patricia tucker
    my father thomas wayne noe
    was at your hospise care for 10 days just wanted to say thank you so much for
    taking good care of him till he passed away on oct 9th 2017 . he had family and friends
    surrounding him and visiting him on his last day of life his friends joy jacoby and tom sondag and ed davis was there when he passed . i was happy to see him before he passed away . i took it real hard when he died i loved him so much

    reply

    • JourneyCare

      07 November 2017 at 19:58 | #

      Our hearts are with you, Patricia. It was our honor to care for your father. Thank you for your kind words.

      reply

      • patricia tucker

        08 November 2017 at 04:48 | #

        i visited my dad 3 times while he was there and i was happy to see him i really miss him so much but i know he is in a better place up in heavin watching over me . i can not beleave he has been gone for a month now he died on oct 9th 2017 and november 9th wil be one month since he passed away rest in peace dad i love you

        reply

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